Funny - Part I

I am dying

Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi, what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Angry wife to her husband

An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone:   
"Where d Hell Are You ...?"

Husband: Darling You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said "Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day ... "O:)

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Yeah I Remember That My Love!

Husband: I 'm in the Pub Just Next To That Shop

A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free. After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

Husband was seriously ill

Husband was seriously ill. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don't discuss ur problems, no tv serial, don't demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home.. Husband: what did the doc say ?

Wife:- .No chance for u to survive

An intelligent wife

''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room. She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"

The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

Wife treats husband

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..

At The Club: Doorman Says: Hi Jim How R You?

Wife Asks: How Does He Know You?            
Jim Says: Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him

Inside Barman Says: The Usual Jim ?           
Jim Says To Wife: Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local

Next A Lap Dancer Says: Hi Jim        
Do You Crave Special Again?

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."

Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday

Cool message by a wife

Cool Msg by a woman: Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

Sweet demand by kid

A Sweet demand by a kid. 

A kid was beaten by his mom. Dad came n asked - what happen son?      

Kid said-I can't adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.

Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.       
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!          
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..